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WRITINGS BY THE MOTHER
© Sri Aurobindo Ashram Trust

Relation with others

Sweet Mother,

Please forgive me for my ambiguous reply to Z. I bow to You, full of remorse. [old p. 46]

Remorse is of no use; you have to feel the joy of the possibility of making further progress.

26 February 1935

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(The sadhak suffered a headache after contact with a fellow-worker.) I don't understand these two completely different movements in me: (1) one which decides to avoid all contact with X, direct or indirect, and (2) the other which sees any harmonious dealings between us as a sure sign of victory--but how can this be done without getting a headache, Sweet Mother?

It may be the contradiction between these two movements which is the cause of the headache. No. 1 wants peace with a minimum of effort. No. 2 wants to conquer the difficulty, not run away from it. I suggest that for the time being you avoid contact with X as far as possible. But if contact is established, beware of subconscious reactions and be very vigilant.

3 May 1935

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(A fellow-worker violated the established work-procedure.) When I saw Y coming out of the workshop I was struck by two suggestions: (1) If he has done something without my knowledge, why should I interfere? and (2) Since I know all about it, I cannot remain indifferent; I must tell him that it is not right. I followed the second suggestion.

What you did was good, in principle at least, for really so much depends on one's choice of words and tone of voice.

15 May 1935

*

Sweet Mother,

What does "listening to the voice" mean? Is it like listening to words that are pronounced? A ready-made sentence, "Write down what is there in the estimate", wanted to disturb my mind. I don't know where it came [new p. 47]from. Was it my own thought expressed in words, or was it what is known as a "voice"? How can these things be distinguished, Sweet Mother?

It was obviously an inner voice. One rarely hears the sound of the words, but rather the message is expressed as words in the mind or sometimes merely as a feeling in the heart.

23 May 1935

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Sweet Mother,

I have decided to adopt the following attitude towards Z. If I have any suggestion or remark to make about the work, I shall do it very simply. If he accepts, very good. If he doesn't, I shall keep silent, without arguing, and let him do as he likes. Is this attitude correct?

No, it is not correct--and I see that you have not understood the implications of my remark the other day. If you see something that should be done in a certain way, you should simply say: "This is how I think it should be done." If he contradicts you and gives a different opinion, you should simply answer: "All right. We shall both submit our views to Mother and she will decide."

In this way there can be no clash of personalities between him and you. It is only a matter of obedience to me.

6 June 1935

*

Sweet Mother,

You have made me aware of the subconscious movements governing my action. Whenever a similar opportunity arises, will You please make me more and more aware. Do not withdraw from me when You see me sad. O Sweet Mother, I assure You, I promise You, that with Your Grace I will be myself again within a short time. [new p. 48]

I aspire for the blessed day when the conflict, the momentary lack of faith, will cease forever and You will use me even as You use Your feet, O Sweet Mother.

I bow to You in joyful gratitude.

I am very happy about the way you have taken this matter. When I speak to you so frankly, I am giving you a great proof of confidence.

My blessings are with you.

16 July 1935

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(The sadhak refused to remove some nails in the wall of someone's room, and wrote to the Mother explaining his decision.)

Yes, it is correct as an analysis, but a thing ought not to be done for any of these personal considerations. The thing to be done should be considered in itself, independent of all personal questions. If the thing is right and good, one should do it. If not, one should refrain from doing it.

It is precisely because your refusal had no real cause that it did not have the power to dominate the other man's will.

So you should have the nails removed.

17 July 1935

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Sweet Mother,

Yesterday X asked me whether the nails in his wall would be removed. In the absence of any definite orders on this point I said, "Ask Mother." Later it was Sweet Mother who decided not to have them removed.

Yes, I hoped that his will could be made to yield on this point, because I thought it was absolutely true that removing the nails would damage the wall. But it was only very relatively true, [new p. 49]and so the formation did not have a power of truth sufficient to dissolve X's counter-formation. (This is true "occultism".)

*

I don't think I can be the judge to decide whether the thing is good or not, because my vision is limited.

I never said that you should be the judge. I agree to be the judge in all cases, because I recognise that it is very difficult to know whether a thing is right and good, unless one can see the law of Truth behind things.

*

If You had said to me, "Removing the nails is nothing, is it?", I would have replied, "Nothing much." And if You had said, "What! Removing the nails for nothing and damaging the wall?", I would have replied, "Senseless."

This is not right. When I ask a question, I ask it in order to get exact and objective information. I have said this many times. I have no preconceived idea, no preference, no opinion about things. If I could move about and see everything physically for myself, I would not need to get information from anyone. But this is not the case, and this is why I consult the people around me, because they are able to move about. I do not want them to answer me by echoing what they imagine-- wrongly--to be what I think. I want them to use their powers of observation and their technical knowledge to give me as precise and exact information [old p. 50]as they can. And on that information I base my decision.

18 July 1935

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Sweet Mother,

You wrote to me, "It is precisely because your refusal had no real cause that it did not have the power to dominate the other man's will. So you should get the [new p. 50]nails removed." This is the sentence that upset me. Why was there no real cause? Won't the holes spoil the wall?

It all depends on what you mean by spoil. I had understood from what you told me that it would cause extensive damage. From what X wrote, I understood that the nails were loose and that a little scraping and pulling would be enough to ease them out. After averaging these two interpretations I saw that the argument I gave X to make him accept the nails was not true enough to have the power to overcome the hostility of his attitude.

*

Did I invent this for some other motive?

Look into your heart, in all sincerity, and you will see that if someone you liked had asked you to remove the nails, you would not have found it so difficult and you would not have put it in the same way.

*

I thought that my refusal was ineffective because it was not supported by Sweet Mother, and I firmly believe that nothing whatever can hold true or be effective unless it is supported by Sweet Mother.

When we are in the presence of hostile forces, only the purity of an absolute truth can conquer them.

*

This is the argument, almost word for word, that upset [old p. 51]me, and I still haven't found the answer to this problem. Enlighten me, Sweet Mother.

Your argument seems right, but since its starting-point is wrong it no longer holds. Reread what I have written, carefully and [new p. 51]several times if necessary; ponder every word so that you understand exactly what I am saying and nothing else.

20 July 1935

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When someone makes a remark, why does Sweet Mother blame me without even asking me for an explanation?

Always the same mistake--you think that I judge by what people tell me! Whenever I am confronted with a fact, either directly or indirectly, I look and judge for myself without the intervention of anyone's opinion.

1 September 1936

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In the case of the Arogya House cupboard, when Y told me that he didn't want it painted I was surprised, and I revealed that Z had asserted that it was he, Y, who wanted it done.

As a general rule, it is better not to repeat to someone what someone else has said, for there is always a risk of creating confusion and increasing the difficulties.

11 December 1936

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O Sweet Mother,

"Penetrate all my being, transfigure it till Thou alone livest in us and through us." [Note: Prayers, p. 91. The sadhak has substituted "my" for "our".] [old p. 52]

The main door of your being is open, but certain other doors are still not open. You must open them all, for I am there and I am waiting.

With my blessings.

1 April 1936

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X has just written that he has recognised his mistake in having given up the work and that he will return to work this morning. So you should behave as if nothing had happened and welcome him back. I hope that Y too will not make any unnecessary remarks.

23 September 1936

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Perhaps Sweet Mother is displeased with me about something? I have no peace.

I am not at all displeased. But what a strange idea to let yourself be upset by such little things! What about the Yoga?

You must shake all that off and return to a better state of consciousness.

Blessings.

8 July 1937

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Sweet Mother,

I don't know why I have lost my self-control and peace.

It is a pity! Perhaps you are a bit tired. I hope you are sleeping well. I would like you to go to bed earlier. Is all this work after meditation (discussions, accounts, etc.) really indispensable? To keep one's self-control, one needs to have time enough to rest, enter into oneself and find calm and quiet.

19 October 1938

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Sweet Mother,

I would like to take part in all the shuttering and building work without offending anyone. How should I go about it? How can I wash away the past? [new p. 53]

Once and for all, wash away the feeling that you are "superior" to others--for no one is superior or inferior before the Divine.

6 December 1938

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Sweet Mother,

For the past few days, every time I meet X, he wards me off. I looked inside myself to see if I have recently done something to displease him, but I can't find anything. Please tell me if I have done something wrong.

I know nothing about the matter. X has not written to me.

But one thing is certain: you give far too much importance to the way people treat you. This hypersensitivity is the cause of most of the misunderstandings.

March 1939

*

O Sweet Mother,

In spite of all my efforts at friendly collaboration with X, I have failed. I pray that you tell me in detail the defects which prevent this achievement. I promise You that I will make a sincere effort to get rid of them, and with Your help I am sure to succeed.

I had dreamed that X and I would discuss both the work in hand and the work to be done and exchange opinions--I mean, just as Y and I speak together. But I am sorry to say that X keeps me at a distance and remains aloof, and when he does speak I find him rather difficult. [old p. 54]

This state of things stirs up reactions of revolt in me, and the efforts I make to remain peaceful and calm seem beyond my capacity.

I am afraid it is a lack of affinity in the vital and even in the [new p. 54]mind. These things are very difficult to overcome, for it requires that both of you open yourselves to a higher consciousness. This needs time and a continuous effort of sadhana from both of you.

In the present conditions I think it would be better not to persist in your attempt at friendly relations with him, for it only increases his sense of importance.

As for the need to exchange your views and opinions about the work, I am still not convinced of it. My impression is that one always says far more than is necessary and that it is not with words that good work gets done.

In any event, calm and patience are absolutely necessary--and you ought to have them since my blessings are with you.

10 October 1939

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A year of silence and expectation... let us find, O Lord, our entire support in Thy Grace alone.

1940

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(The sadhak recounted several instances in which he got upset and depressed because a fellow-worker did not follow his advice.)

The disease: a narrow and egoistic ambition in the mind expressing itself as a strong vanity in the vital, thus distorting your ideas of things and your reactions.

The remedy: surrender all that to "Sweet Mother" completely and definitively.

With my loving solicitude and my blessings.

5 March 1940

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I am happy that you have seen the light, but it doesn't surprise me; I was sure that one day you would understand. [new p. 55]

Let the light of a luminous consciousness enter into you; widen yourself into that vast consciousness so that every shadow may disappear for ever.

With my blessings.

5 June 1940

*

It is very good, my child; I was quite sure that it would end this way, for I know the goodness of your heart.

My blessings are with you.

15 October 1940

Collected Works of The Mother, First Edition, Volume 16, pp. 45-54